Spot On
with Onuora Onianwa

[email protected]

We live in a selfish world. Every day people are saying and doing things to show exactly how much they are concerned only about themselves. It is always about them; what they want, where they want it, why they want it, why it must be done or given to them and what they deserve. They even say why they have a right to fight anyone who disagrees with their demand.

While to some degree and in certain situations we can understand the reasons behind such ideas and even support them, for a lot of people and in a lot of situations, it is just plain selfishness. A mind fixed only on oneself is going to lose out on one of life’s greatest gifts—-love. This is not to say that the person would never date and marry. They can. Many have and many will, but none of those things guarantees love or even love in all its fullness.

In the Bible, Jesus says, “Love your neighbour as yourself.” By this, he rightly acknowledges that you must love yourself. So self-love is not wrong, a crime or a sin, but Jesus perfectly balances this out by telling us that we need to love those around us as well. We cannot be focused on self that everyone else fades away into nothingness. As the saying goes, the universe does not revolve around any one person.

Now, if this teaching is true and necessary for everyday life with people around you, how much more is it relevant for the one person you claim to love above every other person in the world. But how many really live like this? This irregularity makes itself even more obvious when it is now time to do and say certain things to make the relationship work. I have found men and women more focused on their pride and convenience than their relationship. It is always about them.

They either offer no apologies or give them in such a way that they look more like an insult to a question. And we call that love? How can it be love when we put ourselves first before others?

Love is about respect, sacrifice, grace, forgiveness, understanding and more. Where does any of this come in for someone who always considers themselves before anyone else? We sometimes justify this and say things like; if you do not love yourself first then no one will. This is true, but going back to my earlier point about loving others as you love yourself, what do we think it is means I wonder.

That statement means that the same way I love myself is the same way I must love others. So, just as I want to be respected, I must respect others. The same way I want to be taken care of, I should care for others. The same way I want to be heard, is the same way I must listen to others. The same way I want people to be there for me, I must do to others. Needing people to come around me and celebrate my victories and encourage me in my losses means I should be able and willing to do the same for others. If I want people to support me and lift me up, I must do the same to them.

I could go on and on. This is what Jesus was saying. He is not asking you to forget yourself, so to speak and be like some wandering idiot who does not believe he has worth or a purpose in life and all he does is give and give to people and never take care of himself. No. that is a fast track to burning out and waking up drained, depressed and bitter. Who does that help?

Now, the question again is this; if we can and should do all this for everyday people around us, how much more should we do the same for people we claim to love as we date or are married. Is that not the way it should be?

Selfishness is not something to be proud of and brandish like some trophy. It is something bad and it kills relationships. When your partner or spouse sees that only your convenience and wants are important to you, do not be surprised when they decide that being with you is no longer something that they can afford to do. It would be quite understandable.

Love is not about convenience. It never has been. It is easy to like and love people when they are giving us what we want and when we are in the mood for certain things. Anyone can do that. It is when it is not convenient, when we are not in the best in places and moods, when it is going to take us out of our comfort zones, make us sacrifice and do things for this other person that we understand love’s true value and purpose.

I dare say that anyone who always puts themselves before their significant other will find this quite an impossible task and at that point, it would not be out of place to ask if they really love this person and if they even know what it means to love in the first place.

Copyright PUNCH.
All rights reserved. This material, and other digital content on this website, may not be reproduced, published, broadcast, rewritten or redistributed in whole or in part without prior express written permission from PUNCH.

Contact: [email protected]

(Visited 7 times, 1 visits today)

.socialmedia {
margin-bottom:20px;
margin-top:20px;
font-family: ‘Open Sans’, sans-serif;
}

.socialmedia h3 {
font-size:14px;
margin-bottom:10px;
font-weight:bold;
text-align:left;

}

.socialmedia h3 span {

font-size:14px;
font-weight:normal;
line-height:1.5em;

}

.socialmedia h3 span a {
color:gray;
}

Let’s block ads! (Why?)

Source: Punch

Facebook Comments
Love is not selfish
Share
WP2Social Auto Publish Powered By : XYZScripts.com